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Thank you, steal again. Ahoy hoy? Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours.

Hurricane Neddy

Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
  • How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
  • Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly" and replace "dog" with "son."

Last Exit to Springfield

Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Human contact: the final frontier. I was saying "Boo-urns." I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.

Bart the Daredevil

This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story." Get ready, skanks! It's time for the truth train! Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
  1. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
  2. I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
The Last Temptation of Homer
You don't win friends with salad. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! Save me, Jeebus.